As the US Women’s National Soccer Team marched towards their eventual triumph in this summer’s World Cup, there were plenty of jokes to be made about how Megan Rapinoe should run for President in 2020, particular in the wake of her public spat with the current President over whether or not she and her teammates would be invited to (and if so, visit) the White House.

I then saw a tweet during the victory parade in New York referring to Rapinoe and sever teammates as the “Cabinet.” Anyway, I spent far too much time thinking about that concept and this is the result. For clarity, I filled all of the positions that make up the Cabinet and then added other jobs which are filled by presidential appointment to get to 23.

I hope it’s obvious, but this is all satire and I would ask that it be treated accordingly. (Original Twitter thread here)

1 Alyssa Naeher: Secretary of Homeland Security

The US’s last line of defense in front of goal, Naeher repels all threats (particularly England penalties).

2 Mallory Pugh: Secretary of Commerce

Mal Pugh is a walking endorsement, with Nick and Gatorade among her sponsors. Big companies seem to like working with her, and those connections could serve her well as Commerce Secretary.

3 Sam Mewis: Secretary of Energy

One of Mewis’ nicknames is “tower of power,” enough said. (I realize this job is mostly about dealing with nukes but shhhhhhh).

4 Becky Sauerbrunn: Secretary of Defense

She captains and directs the US defensive effort on the field as well as being a respected veteran leader. This might be the best fit in the whole list.

5 Kelley O’Hara: Director of the CIA

Stealth on the right flank, running past unsuspecting left-backs before they realize she’s there, O’Hara has seamlessly moved from winger to defender and can play on her weaker left side as well. This ability to change identity would make her a great undercover agent.

6 Morgan Brian: Secretary of the Treasury

The USWNT is determined to get the money they deserve, and Brian strikes me as incredibly trustworthy candidate to sensibly manage that cash. Cool, collected, a good decision maker, all important qualities for a central midfielder that would translate well to money management.

7 Abby Dahlkemper: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

This was a tough job to fill, but Dahlkemper is the foundation upon which the future of the USWNT defense will be built and so we’ll go ahead and give her a shot (this is probably the weakest entry on this list).

8 Julie Ertz: Attorney General

As a holding midfielder, she’s the team’s enforcer. Nobody better to lay down the law.

9 Lindsey Horan: Secretary of State

A world traveler with the experience of having left home at age 18 to play in France, Horan is internationally respected as one of the best midfielders in the world and would dictate foreign policy as well as she dictates passes from central midfield.

10 Carli Lloyd: Secretary of Veterans Affairs

Lloyd is the oldest player on the team and likely on the verge of retirement. With 113 caps to her name, there’s few players who better understand the career demands players face.

11 Ali Krieger: Chief of Staff

Her and Rapinoe have had parallel career paths, being the same age and coming through the USWNT together. Thus, she’d be a trusted deputy. She’s respected and will keep the team’s/administration’s young core on task.

12 Tierna Davidson: NASA Administrator

Davidson wanted to be an astronaut and studied aerospace engineering at Stanford before turning pro. Honestly, she’s probably more qualified for this job than some people who have actually held it.

13 Alex Morgan: Vice President

Her and Rapinoe are always leading the charge together, whether that’s on the goalscoring charts or appearing on TV in the wake of the World Cup. It only makes sense that they would be as good of a 1-2 punch in the White House as they are on the field.

14 Emily Sonnett: Director of National Intelligence

Despite her extroverted personality, I feel like Emily Sonnett would jump at the chance to be a spy (and nobody would suspect it!). As an elite defender, she’s also skilled in threat-assessment.

15 Megan Rapinoe: President

Rapinoe is where this idea started. She’s the voice of the team, a voice for equality, a phenomenal public, and someone who makes others want to be better. She’s also become the public face of the team, as her celebrity has gone from that of a soccer player to a cultural icon.

16 Rose Lavelle: Secretary of Health and Human Services

Lavelle has unfortunately spent more time injured in recent years than any other player, and thus is uniquely familiar with the medical staff. It also made her an ideal spokesperson for KT-Tape. Sadly there’s no cabinet position that deals with dogs, otherwise she would have been a shoo-in for that.

17 Tobin Heath: EPA Administrator

Lives in Portland, total hipster. Not sure how her nutmegging skills will be useful here though…

18 Ashlyn Harris: Chairwoman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

I’ll be honest, Ashlyn Harris kind of scares me. That said, I’d totally go to war with her and, as a keeper, she knows the importance of protecting what’s hers.

19 Crystal Dunn: Secretary of Transportation

Dunn is always on the move: she jumps into the attack when the US has the ball, is always well-positioned defensively when she needs to be, and pops up in all sorts of different positions on the field.

20 Allie Long: Press Secretary

A social media addict, Allie Long chronicled the team’s path to winning the World Cup with her Instagram stories (although she’s been outdone by Ashlyn Harris in the aftermath) and would excel at speaking for this White House. I feel like she’d run a pretty fun press briefing, too.

21 Adrianna Franch: Secretary of Agriculture

Franch grew up in the heart of American wheat country in Salina, Kansas. Safe to say she’s the most farming-familiar player on the team.

22 Jessica McDonald: Secretary of Education

McDonald is the only mother on the team, a unique qualification for working with children and having to be concerned with their welfare.

23 Christen Press: Secretary of Labor

She’s not the team’s biggest star, but Press has been a leader in labor negotiations and the equal pay fight from the beginning. She also just founded a clothing company, re-inc, in which Rapinoe and Heath are founding partners.